The Midlife Pivot: If Not Now, Then When?

What Do Moving Cross-Country and Writing Have in Common? A Lot More Than You'd Think

About 11 months ago, around the same time I decided to launch my book coaching business, my husband and I also decided to make a huge midlife pivot. In doing so, we changed nearly everything in our lives…our jobs, our home, our state, our community. Yet if you had asked me weeks before or days before, or heck, even earlier that day, I would’ve told you I had no idea this pivot was coming.

Late that Friday afternoon my husband came to me and said he just learned a big change was happening at his work and it might be a good time for him to leave and try something new. That same week I’d learned we would be publishing our final title at the small press I was running and I would have to find a new gig. Then he said seven words that changed our entire life direction: “What if we moved to North Carolina?”

My husband and I met in Denver, Colorado, and we’d both been living there for 25 years…virtually all our adult lives. We had dear friends and family there, a house and neighborhood and neighbors that we loved. We’d been raising our kids on the same block for a dozen years and they had close friendships. We were firmly entrenched in our community.

So what about North Carolina? Did we have family there? No. Did we have jobs waiting for us? Also no. Did we have friends there? Well, we did have a couple close friends in the state, but we would likely be hours away from them. We hadn’t even spent a ton of time in North Carolina…only a few short trips. But we were both drawn to the area…to the idea of being close to both mountains and beach, to the lush greenery and access to nature, to the small town charm of the places we’d visited. We had even talked about moving there in a dreamy “maybe someday” kinda way.

I’d always imagined living in multiple places throughout my life, but I’d loved Denver so much that I had never left. Yet now I craved a change. I longed to be closer to nature. I yearned for a slower pace than it seemed we could ever have living in the city.

And now, it seemed, “someday” was upon us. We realized if we didn’t do it now, we probably never would. And I didn’t want fear to be the reason that we never even tried. For years I’d kept a quote scrawled on a post-it note in my office: Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.* And that sentiment kept surfacing in my mind. We decided we’d rather give this move a shot, discover it wasn’t the right decision and have to move back than never even try at all because we were too afraid.

So, that weekend—probably even that first hour—we decided to take the leap. By Sunday morning we had told our kids. They were not on board, which certainly gave us pause. But ultimately we felt this would be a good move for our family.

We started telling friends and family. Some were incredibly supportive and applauded our adventure. Some looked at us like we were crazy for uprooting all that we built and knew to move somewhere with no family, no friends, no job, no support. I think some even felt offended that we would leave. But others told us we were brave to try something new at this point in our lives, and I chose to focus on that. More importantly, our gut feeling that we were headed on the right path was strong. 

We started making plans. We researched the state to figure out where we’d land. I had nearly completed my 1-year book coaching certification, so I started thinking about launching my business. We decided on an area, then we decided on a town, then we found a house. Most of our choices were guided by intuition because we just didn’t have a whole lot else to go on. And the more decisions we made, the more we seemed to be propelled along this path. The more it felt like this move—changing nearly every single thing in our lives—was exactly what we were supposed to be doing.

So, what does this have to do with writing? Nothing and…well…everything. I work with a lot of writers who are making their own midlife pivot as they discover (or rediscover) their writing voice at this time. In fact, that’s become my favorite type of writer to work with. Maybe they’re not uprooting their homes and their kids, but they’re striking out on a new path, taking the leap toward something that’s been calling out to their soul, and ignoring the critical voices that think they’re crazy for doing such a thing.

Writing is such an act of bravery. Putting your words, ideas, thoughts, dreams, creative visions, or the story of your heart onto the page is brave for so many reasons. And when you’re doing it for the first time after years spent quieting that inner voice every time it tried to speak up? It can be downright scary. Yet midlife is also a reflective time and that inner voice that has been urging you to consider trying something new tends to get louder. “If not now, then when?” that voice asks.  

Still…that daydream, that curiosity, that story that seems so perfect in our heads? We know once we try to live it, experience it, write it, it will be imperfect. Back when I was small-town daydreaming, that life was so charming and delightful in my head. But I knew the reality would not be like that, at least not all the time. (And, spoiler alert, I was right.) We decided that it was worth it to try anyway…to see if we could get anywhere close to this ideal in our head because we would always regret never trying and never knowing what was possible. 

It’s the same with writing. You will probably never get your story as perfect on the page as it lives in your head, and you’ll have to live with it being imperfect. Some people don’t want to do that. They’d rather imagine it as perfect than risk trying and “ruining” it. But then you never actually give it a chance to exist at all. It’s brave to take the dream you’ve been nurturing in a safe space, and thrust it out into the daylight where reality can shine the spotlight of its imperfections. It’s scary, yes, but it’s also the only way to make it real. To give it a chance to be. 

Every day I work with writers who are brave with their writing, who are putting the work in to get their stories and voices out there, no matter how messy or imperfect. They are putting their fears aside and leaping because they know that’s the only way to get to what you want, to make the thing you hope for in your heart become reality. And every day this inspires me to continue to be brave in my own life. 

Is everything perfect in our new lives in North Carolina? Nope, definitely not. We’re still figuring things out, we’re still in a transition period, and we’re still wondering if it’s going to work out. And I still face fears every single day. But, we’re doing the thing. We may be doing it messily and imperfectly, but we’re no longer just daydreaming about it in our heads. Because if not now, then when?

*I don’t remember the first place I ever heard this, but a Google search says it’s attributed to George Addair.

Heather Garbo is a book coach, editor and writer with a background in communications, book publishing, and nonprofit work. Heather specializes in working with women’s fiction writers who are discovering (or rediscovering) their writing voice in midlife. Find her at www.garbobookcoaching.com.